Something positive

To spread some light upon this intensive week for me, I decided to write down my thoughts for today. 

My thoughts on why I wanted to attend Artbox :

Really wanted to go to artbox today. Didn’t want to mope at home and thought I should live young like partying with my friends. The problem is I don’t have a lot of friends and I’m not old enough to enter a club. Which is why when I knew abt this event from a friend of mine I was like why not since its almost like a festival. This what happens when concerts are too expensive and you’re too young for zoukout. 
My sibling’s and mine oufit : 

Went with ryan and my “older sibling”GAWD she’s so pretty, her sense of style never cease to amaze me though we did kind of plan the same outfit from the start. We both wore a off the shoulder top with straps and a black a line skirt, to be more specific she was wearing a circle skirt with pockets from Cotton on.with However, she had a choker on with a black fake lip ring, nerdy glasses which make her look hip, a button up style denim with straps off the shoulder top and matched it all off with a plum shade lip tint from Etude house. The dear darling lip tint in BK801, I think you can only get it in stores since I can’t find it on the offical online store. Her shoes were from Rubi and one of the straps were glittery, they were too long hence she made them lace up, its in a maroon shade and the style of the shoes are like vans,  the authentic line. Whilst mine was a daisy baby blue with straps off the shoulder top and the A line skirt with a fake pocket plus I topped it all off with a typical red korean gradient lips. Haish I look like a less stylish version of her and my shoe was not sure which one but they were low-top Cons, white with black logo and backing. Wanted to wear another off the shoulder top but this one didnt had straps so I thought it was a bit indecent to show my straps. I ended up wearing a black choker top, like Emma watson once said, “My idea of sexy is that less is more.The less you reveal the more people can wonder.” I don’t need to be revealing to appear attractive not like there was much to attract anyway most of the people who went were couples. 

Enjoyable part of the trip : 

Ok now back to topic what was made this day special was that I didn’t panic on the whole entire trip, I felt so peaceful. My flatulence didn’t act out except for a bit at the end of my trip. Being with them makes me feel like I’m neither going to be judged nor pressurised to a certain extent. My hands were not clammy although now that I think about it was Ryan’s arm cold????? Anyways though we didn’t explore much but viewing the stalls’ menus and watching other people moving was just relaxing???? Ok it sounds weird but being in a place that I normally would be scared to visit but felt at peace in and actually see the world for itself once was captivating okayyyyyyy. Then we went to had dinner at toast box. Treated Ryan and I was struggling with the soft boiled egg but thankfully Ryan helped me with the other egg. My sibling’s lip tint came off like crazy but managed to stain her lips well at the end of the day. Eating breakfast at night was oddly satisfying, doing anything out of the norm is usually my favourite activity but not like drinking bleach and setting hand sanitiser on fire kind of activity๐Ÿ˜“๐Ÿ˜“๐Ÿ˜“ I was just so in the moment that even when I heard people talking about us I ignored with ease. This was the first after the start of my psychosis that I actually did that. I felt so normal in such a long time. However, I did had to add that they weren’t saying anything particularly negative. Entering the shoppes made me felt a bit out of place as there were a lot high-end stores and adults hanging around, worried about my bag which looked very similar to a branded bag but you can tell that its not because of the colour. Regardless the cheese on my cheesy ham egg toast really heightened the level of flavour of my toast and I had fun overall. 

Poly life and remaining thoughts about my friends : 

Haizz but I have to adjust back into poly life where I basically get headaches by the end of the day. Even eating becomes stressful. Feels a bit of distance from wz, I shall give him one day to sort out his feelings first then ask him how was his first day of school. He says his tolerance is getting lower and his consideration towards other has lessened from my point of view. He just lol and rarely HAHAHHAHAH nowadays. Yes, they are very minor details but when it comes to him I don’t think its minor any more. As for my other friends I guess I should just let them live their lives. I mean at some point I have to move on I guess, besides the less we see each other the more we have to talk about IN SOME CASES. I really don’t know what to think after all to me all my friends are irreplaceable. Maybe almost everyone thinks that way but the intensity of how they feel is different. Going to poly nearly everyone is mature and chill but serious about studies. I’m the same but on the weekends I just wanna be different maybe it’s because of my wanderlust that I become so desperate for wanting to go out. 

Poly thoughts : 

I’m not sure I’m suited for a designing course because designing requires more of critical thinking then aesthetics. Which I base my designs mostly only on intuition and inspiration. Honestly kind of worried for my interest group auditions as I need to find a song that’s my vocal range, easy to sing but can still make a good impression andhaveand memorise it all by maybe monday so I have enough practise time. UGH I KNOW THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER GREAT SINGERS BUT I WANNA CHASE AFTER MY PASSION is that too much to ask…..

I’m still nervous when I present in class,  my hand even trembled once and two of my classmates made fun of me for that Ugh it affected me so much. How am I suppose to improve. No matter how much I want to d.g.a.f I CAN’T. I WAS AN EMOTIONAL WRECK THIS THURSDAY though  I didn’t regret crying and having a swollen right eye in the next morning.

Abnormal but sweet : 

One thing that surprised me this week was my dad, he bought me an obsedian ball on apr 15 which we technically last week but he got a obsedian in a crystal ball size on like tuesday???  and a obsedian bracelet on wednesday. Obsedian’s properties are that it protects you from psychic attacks, clearing out negative energy in your aura and its a stone of prophecy but if u read up more or crystals you would know that each obsedian crystal actually has its individual funciton. For example, the crystal ball could be meant for predicting the while the smaller size obsedian sphere could be about giving you clear answers to your present situation. Plus obsedian is actually a Sagittarius’s birthstone. So I really appreciate my father doing this even if it was out of his own interest and boredom ๐Ÿ˜“ 

Not depending on astrology as much as before : 

I’ve learned that knowing which zodiac sign is compatible with yours is important and all but that shouldn’t stop you from interacting and discovering another person. Everyone is different and their moon and rising sign can affect a lot on their personalities. Besides you can’t remember all the supposed traits of someone’s birth chart. Sure I may use it to judge people sometimes and possibly know how to avoid arguements with this person but I shall treat everyone with as much fairness as I can give. Depending on how unaware and exhausted I am…….Heck I didn’t even ask my poly friends what’s their zodiac signs

Ok this a lengthy blog, congratulations for making it till the end!!  Sorry I have a lot on my mind but thank you hehe๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

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