My second unofficial crush

I call him my unofficial crush as I had only developed a crush on him due to the influence of something else. I can remember my countless nights crying over him, not over how I can’t attain him but how much I have hurt him. The times that I’ve given excuses to myself to avoid him because I was afraid he wouldn’t accept me, the times I’ve ignored him yet texted him too, imagine the pain he would go through because of me. All the unintentional games I would play just because I was shy. I’M SO FUCKING TIRED OF MYSELF why do I do this to torture not only myself but the ppl I care for. IT’S ALWAYS A CONSTANT WAR WITH MYSELF. Although he didn’t exactly cooperate with me either but I understand why. I just hope we don’t hate each other we did, however, end on a friendly note. NOW I’ve got to stop tormenting myself and move on because there are others who care more about me and are by my side forever I hope.I also hope he will find someone better because currently, the ppl I see surrounding him aren’t exactly good.

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