Music is my sanity

I can’t remember when it started when I would bring my earphones TO EVERY FUCKING LOCATION OUTSIDE OF MY HOUSE. I’m beginning to realise that I have a codependent relationship with music. Not only do I use music as a platform to distract me from the crowd but it has always been my source of energy. Although I did pray to Jesus and I have felt better but my spirit is still so low, I miss my hyper, spontaneous, fun self. Whenever I hang out with people I just get a hunch that I’m boring, maybe I truly am. I feel so disconnected from everything people, the ground, my mind.Argh fuck are my delusions back again, haven’t been keeping track of my medicine intake. I try so hard to please everyone and it really is taking a toll on me. I don’t need to be alone, I just need my old self back again please come back I’m scared to face this world without you. How am I supposed to fit in and to make new friends? NO NO THINK POSITIVE THOUGHTS, I’m not alone anymore.

UGHHHHHH IT HAPPENED AGAIN, I was out with my friend just now and I have nth much to say I just don’t feel like my old self. Ok, maybe partially there’s been smth on my mind and I don’t really want to tell them because of past experiences and also I’m doubting myself. However, I missed hanging out with all of them together. My closest friends feel like family to me I wish we could all hang out more, I know that the feeling of being loved isn’t presently strong when I’m around them but maybe it’s that cheerful, uplifting atmosphere that they give which attracts me SO MUCH. LIKE LEGIT after that meetup for a certain someone’s birthday, I think about it every single day afterwards, it’s like I’m hooked on to some drug HECK I’M EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT NOW LOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL haish……….. I really will miss all of them. I don’t want it to happen again where I disconnected from someone dear to me. Our relationship was really strong, I could hold her hands without having clammy palms. She felt like a sister I never had and now its all in shambles fml. NO THINK POSITIVE. There was this youtube channel I recently discovered it’s called the “Consciousness Evolution Journey”  and that Youtuber predicted correctly about my love life using tarot cards so I really trust her opinion ( Yes I trust easily ) In her weekly oracle from March 27th to 2nd of April the advice given was to think positive thoughts like what I want instead of what I lack and I will attract it. I plan to take advantage of that to the fullestttttttttttt:):):):)::):::):))::):):):):):):):):):):):;):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

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