Hey guys so I’ve recently been chatting with a few of my “friends”and there were multiple times when I asked myself are we really friends ? is this a toxic relationship? am I friend-zoned? or why are we still friends? I don’t have the answers to them so I’m hoping by blogging them down I can sort out all my feelings and end up with a conclusion for each one of these situations.
Case 1 : Am i in a toxic relationship ? Story line : She was an outcast in the class . She frequently talks about her miserable life however she also constantly speaks about her passion and goals. Not calling her two-faced but she does have polar opposite personalities. Very bubbly and giggly on the outside , gets excited easily but pushes people away when she becomes very hurt which caused a lot of pain in my life. Generally have the same interests which is why we connect to a certain level. She often mentions about her love life which actually excites me instead of aggravating me unlike in case 2.
Evidence 1 : Demanding . Requests a lot of help from me and I just never EVER spoke about how frustrated I am when she needs my help. I am pretty much an independent person and don’t like to request help on personal matters because I seem weak and I HATE being weak. Which is why it frustrates me because it seems as if she is taking advantage of me which happened a plethora of times in my relationships . She requests a lot of help in one day and I foolishly oblige to all of them even if I felt tired and my whole soul was halfway looming outside of the vessel that is my body , I still complied .
Evidence 2 : Pessimistic . She would talk a bunch about how and why her day sucked and no matter how much effort I INSTILL advise and comfort into her mind she would REPEATEDLY mention it . Why must you rain on my parade? I get that emotional scarring can be very tough to handle and heal but even I would not speak of such matters constantly around people as I don’t want to ruin other people’s mood or seem attention seeking. Sometimes I would spend the whole day comforting her but she just won’t let go of her misery and I find that at the end of the day I’m the one suffering not her .
Evidence 3 : Contradicting . She said she was strong and could handle situations of being lonely as she is used to them yet she would complain about being lonely a MYRIAD of times. Now you might be thinking this is my fault ; however , it is not . I always welcomed her when she want to sit with my friends and I during lunch and its ultimately her decision whether she wants to hang with us or not . Not only that but she has abandoned me a shitload of times that I’m tired of hearing her saying she feels lonely when I’m the one getting thrown away by her . When I let her in on my depressing past she said she would protect me but she didn’t. I kept getting disappointed so eventually I stopped believing in her words and faked a smile every time she makes a promise . She even forgot my birthday so I pretended I did too .
Conclusion : Ultimately she could only rely mostly on me as almost no one was willing to help her out in the class . I treasured her as my bff but she just let me down and made my cry so many times . It is my fault that I don’t speak up there was once I did but she kept pleading me for help and I just thought if I was in her situation I would have done the same but she slacked while I was working hard to helping her and even fooled around with this popular kid right in front of my very eyes . I think I already know what kind of relationship we have yet I don’t want to come to terms with it neither do I want to talk to her about it . Now we have also gone our separate ways so I hope I won’t be suffering as much as before.
Solution : If this relationship continued what would I do? I think I would try to distance myself gradually and use excuses to either made me unavailable or request for help , hoping than it would not change me to a frequent liar or a needy person.
Case 2 : Are we even friends ? How do you deem someone as your friend? Is it because of the fact that you’ve been talking for years that the person immediately becomes your friend or is it because there is a special connection and bond between you two that makes that person your friend ? Logically speaking it should be the latter . However I have a friend who is formed through the former . Story line she got abandoned by her friends and started talking to me , we did form a bond but I’m still unsure whether its special or not . we rarely meet up and have the same hobby .
Evidence 1 : We know a lot about each other . I’ve come to her crying a lot about things that upset me to the point of where I feel like killing myself and so did she . We also frequently ask each other how was our day and what did we do . Every and anything that would bother us we simply would notify one another .
Evidence 2 : Both of us have been bullied before . We were both mistreated from the ones we trust the most and those we barely know of . Both of us would speak words of encouragement to help us move on.
Evidence 3 : Abandonment or plain getting distracted . We don’t hang around often in school so this is not a really big issue for me but still quite notable . The fact that she would want to talk to me during school but than when spotting her other friends would chat with them instead kind of annoys me but its not that often so it’s kind of ok .
Evidence 4 :Not listening to my advice . When she faces a problem she will tell me but every time I come up with a solution for her she would most likely say idc . Now I know it in her heart it’s better to not care because it would end up hurting more but some issues are just too big to not care as they could psychologically hurt or possibly even scar her . Hence I worry a lot about her well-being as currently she is very tired of the mishaps in her life and doesn’t want to deal with it .
Evidence 5 : Boys . When she talks about a guy friend or a boy I’m usually like how do you want me to react to this because it seems almost as if she told me for the sake of telling and not otherwise which or may not be intentional. Sometimes I get butthurt about her having a lot of guy friends and being able to communicate so smoothly with them . When she tells in such a detailed manner about her convo with one of her guy friends that made her laugh , I’m like so awkward about it, what do you expect me to reply because I just don’t find it funny……. There were a multitude of times when I’ve felt jealous and shitty of my life because of that and I’ve not made any guy friends simply because I want to impress her (just saying).However I believe our friendship is more than this small issue so I overlooked it
Conclusion : I think we are still and forever will be friends just not the best idk only time will tell what will happen to us , as of know we don’t chat that often due to it being the holidays and there’s not a lot events surfacing around .
Solution : Try going on trips or spend more time together and record how you feel . When I’m with her I feel cared for so I’m calm around her and just doing simple activities like eating dinner at her house soothes and comforts me . However if you feel no sensation from your friend why not ask your friend how she feels when she’s around you . If you share common interests maybe focus on those if you wish to bond or connect more . Sometimes I ask what’s the point since some our chats our so short and mundane but I guess only time can tell what will happen to us .
Case 3 : Am I being friend-zoned ? I don’t have a crush on this guy but sometimes I keep questioning his ulterior motive . He kept wanting to meet up with me even though we have barely met and he ask me to treat him as if we were more than just friends but less than a boy girl relationship . I’m just so confused towards his actions , maybe his lonely and just wants a friend . Now if you are thinking that he is thinking about friends with benefits STOP OK because ……… actually not sure but if that was true idk what to do………………………………………………………..
Unfortunately I can’t provide any evidence as I do no wish for him to question my intention if he one day happens to chance upon this blog . Since we are not that close it would be EXTREMELY awkward if he knew who I was so yah………
Solution : I’m thinking of meeting up with him and see if afterwards anything changed also making sure that we won’t be eating late outside and that alcohol is not involved.