If you have read my other blogs you could have guessed that my anxiety is at a mild stage where I am still capable of going outside and hanging out with my friends. However I also have been through the stage when I would stay cooped up indoors all day and when I went back to school I was so frightened that I had a panic attack and literally broke down in tears in front of the counsellor’s room which wasn’t that bad since I finally confessed how I tried killing myself 💩 (comment down below if you want to find out how I got better)
Anyways everyone experiences anxiety differently and have different symptoms show up when they are out in public . So even though I don’t have a panic attack every time I’m going to leave the house or suffer from depression , there are symptoms that comes with my anxiety that makes it not so blissful as compared to others.
- Clammy palms and feet at extreme times cold – I can’t touch anything if not people would realise I’m getting nervous besides you wouldn’t want to ruin their items with ur bodily fluids right 🙃
- The bowel movements – I REALLY HATE THIS ONE. Ok if you didn’t know the mind is somehow connected to the stomach and if you are “not in the right state of mind” it will cause weird bowel movements. SO LITERALLY EVERY FUCKING TIME I GO OUT IN PUBLIC I have to restrict myself from drinking water and it usually leads to sore throat which lead to flu the next day LIKE WHY DO I NEED TO GO TO THE LOO AFTER 20 MINUTES OF DRINKING WATER. When I’m at home it’s fineeeeee , I don’t rush to the toilet in a flash unless I gulped down a whole cup of water but in public that’s a different story. It sucks going to a fast food restaurant food , ordering a normal size drink and than having to throw it away after consuming 1/5 of the actual drink.
- Triggers – Dogs, The male species , cinema, library, basically cold enclosed spaces because they make me feel like I can’t escape if I have a panic attack (agoraphobia). Used to not be able to take public transport but now I’m doing better since I’ve been travelling frequently and got used to it , the psychologist helped a lot in my recovery as he told me why should you control it and it’s not like I will meet these strangers again. Which echoed in my head every time I wanted to escape.
In all actuality I have a worser illness than anxiety it’s called psychosis (distortion from reality) so I have hallucinations about people talking behind my back which is somewhat related to social anxiety disorder as I fear being judged by others and also behaving in a way that leads to ridicule. I’ve also been through panic disorder where I was choking and sweating at the same time. I’ve also been through post traumatic stress disorder as my anxiety was caused by something traumatic
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